Being a woman in India or It's a Man's World Baby

A woman in a Sari 

Women is Saris (Abe in the background)

A woman and her daughter both wearing a kameez, tights and dupatta. 

Girls wearing a kameez and shalwar or tights and a dupatta

Women jewelry hawkers in Saris on the beach in Goa

The first thing I want to note is how beautifully women dress here. I started to ask people for pictures when they asked me for a picture so I could try to show some of the colors and beauty of the clothing. I have seen some showstopping saris made of silk, with gold threads and in vibrant colors. All of the saris seem so different too. I often find myself just looking and admiring the variety. I have seen peasant women and women working on the highway wearing beautiful saris. I think wearing beautiful clothing is one way women have control over their lives here and they go all out; however, the dress is very conservative. Shalwars are pants that are loose and long and a kameez is a loose top over which women wear a dupatta, which is a scarf draped across the chest. The clothing is designed to hide any possible curves or skin. Legs are not shown and I never see cleavage. I have rarely worn shorts since arriving, not even in 112 degree heat; however, I did on the beach in Goa.

Women in burkas in Charminar

Women in burkas and a young girl in a hijab outside a mosque

Woman in a burka in Hyderabad

Hyderabad has a large Muslim population and I see women in Burkas all of the time. I usually try to catch their eye, nod my head and smile to them and most acknowledge it with a nod and I hope a smile. I can't help but think that wearing a burka, especially the black version, in this heat is a form of abuse. It is usually worn by young women, married and unmarried, and women wear them as long as their husbands want them to. Burkas were probably first worn by women trying to hid their beauty from enemies during wars or raids. I wonder what a woman thinks when her husband tells her she no longer needs to wear the veil. "OK honey, you don't need to wear the veil anymore; no one will be looking at you." Today I think women might choose to wear one for a sense of protection, freedom and anonymity in this male dominated culture, but I have a hard time understanding it.

A typical street scene (Charminar) where women are outnumbered by men 4 to 1

A story I read somewhere recently said that being a woman in India is like being a frog in a well. If you don't jump out sometimes, then you forget how. I completely understand this. Many times I have been out with Jon and looked down a street to see hundreds of men, but no women. The local papers have stories about "Eve teasing", a disparaging term, which means public harassment of women whether it is name calling, groping, or brushing up against a woman. I don't particularly enjoy going out without Jon, but I have forced myself to do it. Because of my age I don't think I would be harassed, but I do have the foreign factor working against me. I have learned to act like I know what I am doing and just not look at men in the eye. If I am alone somewhere and I see a group of guys coming towards me, I just move along.

I have personally experienced male chauvinism here. There have been numerous times when I have been with Jon and the male waiter, driver, manager or whomever has enthusiastically greeted "Sir" and not even acknowledged my existence. I have stopped dealing with the front desk staff at the Ellaa Hotel because they seem to think I can't make any decisions and they always run it by Jon before doing what I ask of them. We have gone to dinner at the home of locals and the wife served dinner, but never set down to eat with us. That was uncomfortable for us and I wondered why they set a plate for me.

Just about every day there is a report about a woman killed or maimed because the husband or his family want more dowry money. In today's paper there was a report of a woman committing suicide because her husband and his family were harassing her for more dowry money. Dowries are supposed to be illegal here but they still happen. I have seen several stories about young women kidnapped or sold by family members to work as prostitutes. There are also stories about female infanticide. In today's paper a week old girl was found in a gutter and she died shortly after she was discovered. Women are outnumbered in this country. According to the Economist there are 914 girls aged 0-6 for every 1000 boys. This imbalance is becoming worse because of prenatal screening.

There is one area where women exercise power - shopping!!! When we are in a tourist area the hawkers are hollering for Madam not Sir. I have found that to say I have to check with my husband is a good way to discourage hawkers, so I use it. Overall, I have noticed a distinct difference in the way I am treated here. I do not understand how this treatment can be so pronounced in a country that was one of the first in the modern world to have a female head of state and continues to have many prominent female politicians. The contradictions, evident in so many areas in this country, continue.